Sometimes you can’t help but fall in love with someone – but can you get yourself to love someone?
When it comes to falling in love with someone, it can be difficult. However, it is not impossible.
If you can convince yourself that this person has outstanding and desirable qualities that you find attractive or admirable, the chances are higher that you will fall in love with them.
You need to be willing and able to learn things about your partner that no one else knows.
So is it a choice to fall in love?
Not exactly. It’s more of a seemingly irrational chain of events that will help make you fall in love with someone – but a chain of events that you can create on purpose.
How to make yourself love someone
1. Make sure you want this and are ready to fall in love.
Before even trying to get yourself to love someone, you need to make sure that you are in the correct headroom and mindset to help you fall in love.
According to marriage and family therapist Frances Patton, if you are seriously about to fall in love, this can be done on purpose.
“You won’t be able to develop this feeling in everyone. Some people are not interested in sharing emotions,” she explains. “But you can fall in love with someone you are drawn to, someone you can trust with your deepest feelings, and who is compatible with you.”
According to Keya Murthy, a clinical hypnotherapist and relationship coach, trying to find ways and reasons to love someone is more of a conscious decision that you make.
“Others tell you how good this person is and over time you notice the good in them and tell yourself that it is good for you, so the person has to be good for you and you start to love them,” she says . “When you choose to fall in love with someone because of the person and the way you feel around them or think about them, it goes deeper. It’s more than just attraction, it’s love or she is and not just what he or she represents. “
Sometimes it can also be helpful to understand the science of love and its intense feelings of attraction and connection.
If you actively choose to understand how and why people feel the way they do when they’re in love, then you can learn how to trigger the dopamine and serotonin receptors in your brain to make you feel easier Feel love.
2. Learn to open up to love.
You have to give yourself a chance to open up to this person that you want to fall in love with. Be careful whenever you show her affection and try to slowly appreciate this person over time rather than mistaking lust for love.
According to Patton, the secret to falling in love on purpose is to develop emotional intimacy.
“Relationships are all about emotions, sharing your own feelings, and empathizing with your partner. You eventually fall in love with the person who you trust with your feelings and who gives you their feelings, ”says Patton.
You need to make sure that you are making yourself vulnerable and sharing your dreams, fears and trauma with your partner so that he can connect and develop empathy and love for you, and you will do the same. By opening up to someone, you can feel more free and very comfortable with that person.
When you meet someone, you also want to make sure that you focus on the positive aspects that you know about them and see how and if you love something or more about them. Find little things to love about them.
Sometimes you just have to get her to love her by faking it until you can. Similar to the movie “The Proposal,” sometimes pretending to love someone can actually lead you to realize what you love about that person and create feelings of intimacy and connection, and this works when the other person does the same .
3. Work on building intimacy through exercise.
The easiest way to teach yourself to love someone is to notice what the person is doing for you and others.
“If you like the way the person treats others, especially the elderly and the weaker who may not be older, then you know that that person is a person worth admire, love and with to be, “suggests Murthy. “Even if this person has qualities like standing up for themselves and defending what they believe in while remaining open to others. These are qualities that are worth appreciating and falling in love with and in someone to fall in love with her.
According to Lisa Rabinowitz, a couple counselor and therapist, research shows that intimacy exercises can make you fall in love with someone.
When trying out intimacy exercises, make sure that there is always strong eye contact, as prolonged eye contact can create intimate feelings between two people as it definitely helps them fall in love.
If you want to feel even closer, try this exercise of staring yourself in the eyes for four minutes.
“In 1997, Dr. Arthur Aron made two strangers fall in love with each other. You may ask yourself, how did he do this? He asked the couple to look each other in the eye for four minutes, then asked them to make a 90 -Minutes of time to have intimate conversation with given questions. We have learned from this experiment and research that looking at the eyes creates closeness and connection, “says Rabinowitz.
By making the person you want to fall in love with, you can spark a romance and ignite a connection and maybe even a long term relationship.
In order to teach yourself how to love someone, you have to feel close to your partner because, according to Rabinowitz, you are more likely to fall in love.
“True love is usually different from romantic love or ‘love at first sight’. Dr. Gottman has researched what makes a successful relationship and shows that there are 3 stages in love: falling in love, building trust, and building commitment and loyalty “Says Rabinowitz.
This method can also help you stay in love.
First, ask the person you want to fall in love with if you can commit to sitting down and answering 36 questions in three steps.
Start with the first 12 questions:
1. If anyone in the world had a choice, who would you want as a guest at dinner?
2. Do you want to get famous? In what way
3. Before you make a call, do you already practice what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would be a “perfect” day for you?
5. When was the last time you sang to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you could live to be 90 and have either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, what would you wish for?
7. Do you have a secret clue how you are going to die?
8. Name three things that you and your partner seem to have in common.
9. What are you most grateful for in your life?
10. If you could change anything about your upbringing, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes to tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow if you had acquired any quality or ability, what would it be?
If both of you are still comfortable after the first round of questions, you can both move on to the next round of questions.
You two should suspect deeper and more personal answers this time around.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you have dreamed of for a long time? Why didn’t you do it
15. What is the greatest achievement of your life?
16. What do you value most about friendship?
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17. What is your most precious memory?
18. What is your worst memory?
19. If you knew that you were going to die suddenly in a year, would you change the way you live now? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What role do love and affection play in your life?
22. Take turns sharing what you see as a positive trait in your partner. Divide a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than most of the others?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
After the second round of questions, you and your partner should be on a very deep and personal level with each other and both of you should feel that a connection is already being formed between you.
If you both want to finish, you can answer the last round of questions.
25. Make three true “we” statements at a time. For example: “We are both in this room and feel …”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone to share with …”
27. If you would like to become a close friend with your partner, please tell him what is important to him.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; This time around, be very honest and say things that you might not say to someone you just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your partner.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? Alone?
31. Tell your partner something you already like about them.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to joke?
33. If you died tonight and had no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you regret most for not telling anyone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, which contains everything you own, catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, there is time to make one final attempt to save an item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you worry most about? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner for advice on how to deal with it. Also, ask your partner to tell you how they seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
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Megan Hatch is a writer on YourTango who covers zodiac signs, love and relationships, and pop culture.